All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
where am i from again
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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