You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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