My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
