She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
