they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize