I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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