I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
