Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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