R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
