Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
