I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
