apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I supernannyed him into submission
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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