Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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