In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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