Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
