It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
