I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
