If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
