i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
