Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just invented taco cereal.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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