I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
