and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
