At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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