nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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