he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
