I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
