somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
