dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
did i walk over a car last night?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
