you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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