I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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