Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
