I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
