we're blogging at a bar
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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