I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
