ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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