I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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