All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
