kristin has been a bad kristin
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
