i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
