Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
