I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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