She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
