you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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