You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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