I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The Olympian is in my bed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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