youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
