I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
MIDGETS
????
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
