apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
