I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
