I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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