just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
