There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
