Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
