the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
