Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
