i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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